I recently received a meaningful compliment—I was a person who was very easy to have a conversation with. This was one which I have been told many times that it was just me, only because of my personality. I agree with it, but I am also the opposite of what the compliment suggest—I am a person who is very difficult to have a conversation with.

I know, totally makes sense, right?

Ever since I learned what oxymoron was, I immediately contributed that to my personality and character. At that time, I didn’t know how else to explain, but I never felt it was wrong to say it was what best described me. As I journeyed through life and met more people, I’ve come to learn that people often talk about their true self being in very specific instances of their life. Their true self is one in which they felt most comfortable in, whether in large crowds, the center of attention, fly on the wall, alone, how they act with their family vs friends, etc.

I understood what people meant when they talked about their true self, but I didn’t see it that way, at least not how I attributed myself. I’d say that one part may be the largest piece of pie of my true self that I like the most—alone. I can also be my true self when I’m enjoying myself in a crowd. I believe we are beings with all manner of pliability and we all have the potential for large range. It is only a matter of whether we want to be in those range or not, and still with the potential.

I don’t enjoy idle or small talks, they retract meaning to life, but topics of those small talks don’t have to be meaningless. Stop talking about the weather just for weather’s sake and start talking about the weather in how it affects you in what you do, whether it’s an up coming activity or meaningful time with people you want to be with. Talk about the rain in a poetic form of how it makes you feel or how the tapping of the rain on your roof brings you a sense of calmness that you have no explanation for. These are where the meaningful connections form. If you don’t wish to share these meaningful connections with just anyone, you do not have to start or be in a small talk with anyone; just excuse yourself to be with the one you’d rather spend time with… or alone.

I am every bit the masks that I wear and I am more than that I reveal; I am all the parts that are within and without.